Most of you know by now that I live most of my life in the shadows of general population. I do not parade my life for social media, nor do I share my inner most feelings with anyone other than my husband.. This is all very painful to discuss, let alone put in words for the entire world to read. With that said, I am currently working through a puzzling shift in life that I wanted to share with you.
Just recently we went away for the weekend. My husband and I practically cleared our entire lives so we could go meet the newest member of my family. We spent four days with this little tiny human of a guy and absolutely just melted with him in our arms. This is NOT a flashback to The Hand That Rocked The Cradle ; however, both Trevor and I fell madly in love with this little guy and most definitely have admittedly tapped back in to ALL our feelings and desires about being Parents.
It’s been nearly four years since the last time we actively tried to conceive. It is so hard not to feel slightly obsessed with the topic when in reality, it has been a primary point of conversation between myself and my husband since early 2013. We knew we wanted to build this family as soon as we were married. We notified all our parents and siblings about our plans to pursue getting pregnant and and began making room for a baby in our home. Needless to say, that process was painful and ended poorly for us in 2016. Literally, one step after another was met with resistance from my body and frustrations within our marriage began to grow.
Faster and faster we were on this uncontrollable crash-course into an existence together without a baby.
My life with my husband is truly the best, and I could not imagine a better partner for everything we are after in this life. We discovered each other in some of the lowest points of our lives and quickly vowed to lift each other up and hold on to this phenomenal friendship as if our lives depended on it. Literally, I could not ask for a more fulfilling relationship! With that said, he knows as well as I do that we are meant to be parents. He gets to be Dad and I get to be Mom ; we will not feel complete until we have accomplished that.
A few weeks or so ago, we planned for a date. A real date! It had gotten to the point where we could not recall when our last fun outing was as Just The Of Us. Picture perfect, out of a movie scene, we were walking hand-in-hand together strolling the streets of the raddest town on Earth! On this night we opened up ourselves again to the plans to pursue getting pregnant.. You’ve got to be thinking, “this broad is crazy!” If you aren’t thinking it, I’ll think it for the rest of us. Yes, we are somewhat blindly changing course, taking a harsh right towards Parenthood instead of staying straight ahead as Business Owners. Call me crazy or call me what you will, but I am choosing a Stress Less life approach to however much time I have here on Earth. I am coming to terms with some of my deepest fears & anxieties as a human, and building my dream future into a reality.
Slowly but surely. Piece by piece.. I won’t soon forget that night as the night I chose Family above Career. The very next week I received a referral to a fertility specialist here in town and now, we will see what’s to come of it!