I am SO GLAD I passed that test! I know that I doubted myself more than I ever should have, I probably studied for hours longer than necessary, and I most definitely went around the ring with my emotions while I prepared for the exam. I truly believed at one point during the exam that I was going to let myself down and I’d have to take it again. But what happened next was, by far, one of the coolest things my body had ever done for me…
OK, so I was freaking out a bit; it must have been 15-20 minutes in to my two hour exam, I was sure I was getting questions wrong and scared to FAIL so I knew I had to lock up the emotions for a while and crank out this test. For a while now, I’ve been dealing with fight or flight response simply by, freezing. <It’s a thing that I am working on, I’ll be sure to keep you posted!!>
It’s now 47 or so minutes into the test and I happen to notice that I’m “just now on to question 30” , so what do I do? I take flight. I CLICK CLICK CLICK through the next 5 or 10 or more questions. I begin cruising through this thing; I don’t even recall what the questions were or how I felt about answering them.
I wanted to scream. I was sure I was going to FAIL and I was still behind on the question-per-minute ratio. I couldn’t scream because then I would get kicked out and be given a FAIL. So… CLICK CLICK CLICK goes the mouse… again and again. I cannot recall what any of those questions were. It must have been when the timer was 80 or 90 minutes, it was definitely less than 100 minutes on the timer when I received this huge wave take over me and encourage me to “breeeathe … breeeathe … breeeathe”
This is really tricky to even write about or share out loud but I had never ever before met my confidence in that capacity. So as weird as it sounds, truly I tell you, I physically moved the air into my mouth while I methodically breeeathed blood back to my brain and body; I felt this overwhelming sense of calm and clarity and self reflection upon which I met up with my truly confident self.
A few moments or so had gone by and I was playing around with the idea of meditating in that cubicle just a little bit longer before getting back to the test. I knew I had this under control and by this time, I’ve only got 21 questions left. I’ve heard it’s best to use up all the time on a big exam, but I was done within the final 15 minutes and there was no turning back at that point. It was time to see if there’s a PASS or FAIL on the line. The test proctor hands back my id with a smile on her face and I knew! This was a really really good day, accomplished by me.
Moments later, checking in with Trevor, he’s waiting for me just on the other side of the elevator. We are mostly too goofy for anyone else to handle. We spent a decade together learning to turn all that silly celebration inward. I cannot even explain it with words yet but me, my confident self, and my supportive husband were all too excited in realizing that all of our dreams are actually coming true. Bit by bit, step by step, we.are.doing.this.!!!
With this huge test finally out of the way and recorded as a W, we continue on towards entrepreneurship. We’ll take this tiny private practice business idea and hopefully spread the seeds outward for all of Southwest Las Vegas and beyond.. I am truly over the moon elated. My cup is overflowing with pride and courage to take on the world as a sole proprietor licensed massage therapist and bodywork practitioner.
❤ Hello Lovely, you’ve done well for yourself.”