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What is Habitual Healing?

Survival is a mode the body goes to when in need – we are not meant to stay in survival mode for 24/7 until the end of our days. We are meant for comfort in our bodies and peace in our minds. I’ve created the concept of Habitual Healing in an effort to inspire all women to do their best for their SELF; self love, self discovery, freedom, happiness and purpose. I’ve found that through the use of massage and bodywork, including aromatherapy, this can be achieved. Habitual Healing is achieved through the daily efforts we put toward continuously giving back to our bodies in nourishment and proper care.

At this time in my life, I am laser focused on assisting other women come back to life. Through daily habits and beneficial healing practices, the desired outcome is for us women to feel like ourselves in our own skin again (or for the first time ever!!)

To be a VICTORY over self doubt and bodily depreciation.

We only get one body and one life to live in it; I received my license to deliver effective and therapeutic ways to care for and allow healing to happen from the trauma. The path can be bright again and we can look to better days up ahead. I have so much love for my community of women who understand the pain of losing yourself somewhere along the way. Here, at Habitual Healing, I look to acknowledge the past, learn what we can from it, and move on towards a deeper personal connection within our SELF.

Drinks, No More.

It was mid-December 2019 when it began again. After we had a few encounters with drinks in October, we started drinking <regularly> again as a means to open up, to become more vulnerable with each other as we talked through some serious matters. Matters of the home and matters of the heart. Neither of us are entirely proud of it, but it happened. Neither myself or he will deny the fun times we have together when we are catching a little buzz and our walls have just dissolved. We are open together to discover the depths of our relationship and our chosen life together. 

I know, I know, I’m not supposed to say that buuut you know, it’s true what they say about living in a relationship with alcohol:  we feel this draw, this pull to lean into alcohol for all our activities. We feel the appeal and also very clearly can see the destruction that it will leave in our lives if this continues.

Since that time we’ve increased the number of drinks per week and likewise, all my anxieties & fears have crept back up like a monster from the abyss. I have to reveal that the pull of alcohol will almost always continue to try to pull me down. I certainly do NOT intend for this to continue ; I have far larger aspirations than being a little drunk bomb waiting to go off. It’s just not safe.

OH. MY. GOSH. It is a really tough swallow when I think about how far off track we’ve been with our Alcohol Free living. From the viewpoint of the rest of the world, it could look like we just don’t care to be sober living or aren’t trying hard enough to achieve it … but that just isn’t the case.

Collectively, we began drinking in our early teens. Unsupervised and regularly. As a high school student, I already had a deeper relationship with alcohol than I did with any of my peers or family members. There was almost always an opportunity to take a sip and say, “Hello” to my dear friend alcohol. Unfortunately. My heart breaks for that young teen who felt like she had nowhere to go but to the bottle. It was all very unfortunate. 

I can recall plenty of phases throughout my life that I had not been drinking regularly. It’s as if I had learned <early> to get strategic with my drinking. I needed to keep on top of some personal relationships in order to maintain the balance. I knew I was too young yet to fall off the deep end. I had seen examples throughout my families, so I knew the cost that alcohol could pay in my later life. After a few times of drinking with the wrong people, I didn’t even think I would live to see my later life. 

Well, I’ve made it to my later life! All I can say now is that breaking up with alcohol is not an easy thing to do. As an early-thirties, all American married woman I feel like I have a mid-teens girl inside, throwing a fit as if I am moving her away from her best friend. Millions of addicts and alcoholics across the world have spent billions of dollars supporting their habits and another millions of dollars trying to quit. It’s costly. This break up, for me, is a tricky one because I’ve been dancing with alcohol all my life. Alcohol has held me up when I’ve been at my lowest and held me even higher when I’ve achieved something worth being proud of.  

I’ve told myself that I am really done drinking this time and mentally, it is exhausting to continuously repeat that and reassure myself that this IS for the best. Trevor and I have been in pursuit of this simple-family-lifestyle, so with each year that passes, as just the two of us, we feel a deeper pull and draw into raising a baby.

We are really looking forward to building this family, making a baby, carrying a baby if possible! That would be the ultimate high of our lives … which alcohol can have no part in. 

A Shift is Happening

Most of you know by now that I live most of my life in the shadows of general population. I do not parade my life for social media, nor do I share my inner most feelings with anyone other than my husband.. This is all very painful to discuss, let alone put in words for the entire world to read. With that said, I am currently working through a puzzling shift in life that I wanted to share with you.

Just recently we went away for the weekend. My husband and I practically cleared our entire lives so we could go meet the newest member of my family. We spent four days with this little tiny human of a guy and absolutely just melted with him in our arms. This is NOT a flashback to The Hand That Rocked The Cradle ; however, both Trevor and I fell madly in love with this little guy and most definitely have admittedly tapped back in to ALL our feelings and desires about being Parents.

It’s been nearly four years since the last time we actively tried to conceive. It is so hard not to feel slightly obsessed with the topic when in reality, it has been a primary point of conversation between myself and my husband since early 2013. We knew we wanted to build this family as soon as we were married. We notified all our parents and siblings about our plans to pursue getting pregnant and and began making room for a baby in our home. Needless to say, that process was painful and ended poorly for us in 2016. Literally, one step after another was met with resistance from my body and frustrations within our marriage began to grow.

Faster and faster we were on this uncontrollable crash-course into an existence together without a baby.

My life with my husband is truly the best, and I could not imagine a better partner for everything we are after in this life. We discovered each other in some of the lowest points of our lives and quickly vowed to lift each other up and hold on to this phenomenal friendship as if our lives depended on it. Literally, I could not ask for a more fulfilling relationship! With that said, he knows as well as I do that we are meant to be parents. He gets to be Dad and I get to be Mom ; we will not feel complete until we have accomplished that.

A few weeks or so ago, we planned for a date. A real date! It had gotten to the point where we could not recall when our last fun outing was as Just The Of Us. Picture perfect, out of a movie scene, we were walking hand-in-hand together strolling the streets of the raddest town on Earth! On this night we opened up ourselves again to the plans to pursue getting pregnant.. You’ve got to be thinking, “this broad is crazy!” If you aren’t thinking it, I’ll think it for the rest of us. Yes, we are somewhat blindly changing course, taking a harsh right towards Parenthood instead of staying straight ahead as Business Owners. Call me crazy or call me what you will, but I am choosing a Stress Less life approach to however much time I have here on Earth. I am coming to terms with some of my deepest fears & anxieties as a human, and building my dream future into a reality.

Slowly but surely. Piece by piece.. I won’t soon forget that night as the night I chose Family above Career. The very next week I received a referral to a fertility specialist here in town and now, we will see what’s to come of it!

Life of a Massage Therapist

As a result of my choice to become a licensed massage therapist (LMT), I’ve had the real pleasure of defending this great profession to many many folks who are simply under-educated about what the profession actually stands for. I am aware of the social “norms” and common misconceptions tied to being a “masseuse” <while living in Las Vegas>. For the most part, I choose to believe that people are misled by the media coupled with the lack of access to factual data reports which medically substantiate the effects of massage therapy on the human body. Much like an IT expert is not automatically thought of as a “hacker”, I hope to bring that same notion to the idea that a Massage Therapist is not thought of as a prostitute. 

By definition of Touch Therapy, let’s break this down: 

noun: touch therapy; plural noun: touch therapies; a type of therapeutic treatment in which the therapist physically touches the subject in a specific way, including reflexology and various forms of massage. 

The sense of touch is one of our five primary senses. In humans, the hormone release of oxytocin is a primary benefit of physical touch. Oxytocin aids in furthering human to human contact, which promotes feel-good sensations that foster a sense of safety, well-being and general happiness. “Among the various reasons why primates do touch each other is to ease tensions among the group in social situations.” (source: Advantages of Human Touch) Oxytocin is associated with empathy, trust and relationship-building, and often reported to have positive benefits as a treatment for a number of conditions, including depression, anxiety, and intestinal-related problems. To simply define “therapy”, we see it as a form of treatment to relieve or heal from a disorder; mid 19th century: from modern Latin therapia, from Greek therapeia ‘healing’, from therapeuein ‘minister to, treat medically’. 

This is all getting very wordy, but from where I stand I see several signs pointing toward positive effects in the human body which can be brought on through the manual manipulation of skin, blood, lymph and muscle tissues. A comforting touch from a trusted person is one of the very best ways to promote relaxation, which in turn promotes healing as well as recovery from disease. Much like an unwanted gesture can negatively affect the rest of your day, so is true with a desired exposure to more contact with another human. 

Professional and therapeutic massage therapists are in the business of helping others heal from the daily struggles of living. We have no control over many of the experiences in our lives which we are exposed to or subjected to when another person treats us poorly, but we can control the healing process and assure that a protocol of therapeutic treatment is within every body’s reach.    

When you feel like you’ve been misunderstood or lost in the frey for most of your life, would you be willing to allow a little sense of touch back in to your life? Personally, I’ve shared with you about my experiences with domestic violence, prescription drug addiction and alcohol dependency; somehow I am still alive to tell the tales of how my grass is growing greener on the other side. I now advocate for the use of hugs over hits and increasing flows of oxytocin over oxycodone. When I lay my head down at night, regardless of the daily struggles I’ve just faced, I assure you that I feel the drive to further educate myself and those around me to gain support in the human to human contact movement.  

The Green Queen

NEWSFLASH !! I’ve willingly and openly shared about my love and support of the medical marijuana industry to help combat my PTSD, as well as my husband’s Bipolar II. We firmly believe that marijuana can be a healthy tool to help combat the effects of living with these (and other) circumstances. With that said, it may seem strange to hear that we’ve decided to remove marijuana from our home and continue our path toward a completely clean and sober living.

I first began smoking weed in high school, 2002 I believe and I’ve been a registered MMJ card holder since 2011-2012. I’ve openly shared my status with my family and other loved ones, publicly since 2015. They know, and now you do too, that over the last decade my primary reason for smoking weed has been to help me sleep. I don’t know all the science behind it, but marijuana can help block or suppress the dream state so I don’t feel the activity that’s happening in my dreams. Anyone living with PTSD knows what this is like and knows the debilitating / paralyzing feeling and loss of motor function when you first wake.

Throughout my life as a green queen, I managed to convince myself that weed is not actually addictive, I can quit at anytime. In my opinion and in my experience, this is false. Weed has been a dependency for most of my life and it’s been a financial strain just to maintain the habit. Much like any other vice that folks may have, I’ve made poor decisions and personal sacrifices so I could get high. So I could float away from the realities of life and continue to gloss over the past that so frequently wants to bubble up from the depths of my inner being.

My truth is that even with the daily use / nightly toke time, I’ve still been experiencing the nightmares and daytime anxiety. I can recall on too many occasions of being abruptly woken in the middle of the night because of a terrifying dream or flashback to some horrific time in my life. Many of the times when I wake like this I cannot get back to sleep, so I get up and smoke some green to get the day started. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I firmly told my husband that I don’t want to live like this anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of sleeping OR being awake. I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. (Reading back to a previous post about why I broke up with alcohol, I see some similarities in the reasons for ridding my life of the habit.)

It’s been one week since I last smoked and already I am coming to face some truths of my past. It is true that many of my nightmares are manifestations of the violence given to me by my ex or the violence I have witnessed under the influence; however, now that another layer of fog has lifted from my life, many more ‘mares are coming up from my childhood and super early years of life. Some might call it abuse, most will call it trauma, but all of us recognize it as a hard time that we have to find a way to get through. Confronting the truths of my past is not going to be easy. There are many gaps in my mind and logically I want them filled in with facts. I’ve begun to reach out and ask for clarification from my loved ones as I transition through yet another stage of recovery. For the first time, ever, in my life I am confident that a totally sober life is my clearest path to healing from my life’s circumstances.

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